親愛的人資朋友們，以及各種再找員工的主管們， 我們是不是該聊聊那些光看 JD 就想報警的職缺？
那種開頭就來一句「尋找多才多藝、靈活創新的全能戰士」。
要大格局，會策略、有創意、會文案、會投放、會報表、會設計、會剪片、會開發、順便還得能看風水、穩情緒、顧貓顧兼慣老闆。
最好15年經驗、10 年領導力、8 年AI背景， 但公司自己還在學走路，別說KPI了，連今年明年願景都還說不清楚。
薪水？ 新鮮人等級。
理由是：「我們雖然是Startup，但我們的野心是全球的。」
翻譯：我們錢不多，但臉很大。
還有那句經典名言：
「我們在找能多工的全能Rockstar。」
翻譯：我們搞走了四個人，現在想找一個人把他們的活全幹完。
技能需求一字排開： Photoshop、Premiere、Python、Hubspot、GA4、SEO、CRM、TikTok、ChatGPT、Excel、PowerPoint…
拜託，你這不是在找員工， 你這是在召喚神好嗎。
此缺只有天上有。 人間根本沒有貨!
我有時候懷疑這些 JD 是幾個部門輪流寫的， 一個想省錢、一個想省人、一個純粹想整人。
最後湊出來的，根本是企業版許願池。
如果你要找人類，就用人話寫。
別再假裝你要的是「熱情」，其實你要的是「低薪萬能工具人」。
這不是徵才， 這是企業在做夢。
而且還想要別人幫他圓夢。🙃
The Job Description Nobody Can Match (a.k.a. “Dear Recruiter, I am a marketer, not Iron Man.”)
Dear Recruiter and/or hiring manager,
We need to talk about these job descriptions.
You know, the ones that want a strategic, creative, data-driven, hands-on visionary leader who can design, code, analyze, lead, pitch, optimize, and probably fix the toilet when it jams.
Ideally 15 years of experience, 10 years of leadership, 8 years in AI … from a company that’s barely learned how to walk.
Forget KPIs, they still haven’t figured out their vision for this year, or next…or what are they going to eat for lunch today.
Salary? Entry-level.
Because, of course, “We’re a startup with global ambitions.”
Translation: We don’t have the money, but we have the audacity.
And then the all-time classic:
“We’re looking for a rockstar who can wear many hats.” Translation: We layoff four people and want one person to do all their jobs with enthusiasm so we can only pay 1 salary. Happy days.
The skills list reads like a tech expo: Photoshop, Premiere, Python, HubSpot, GA4, SEO, CRM, TikTok, ChatGPT, Excel, PowerPoint…
Come on. You’re not hiring a person. You’re summoning a deity.
This role only exists in outer universe. Down here, we call it exploitation.
And the cherry on top:
“Salary based on experience.” Sure, based on your boss’s mood that day.
Sometimes I wonder if these JDs are written by three different teams: one trying to save money, one trying to save time, and one just trying to make everyone else miserable.
If you’re hiring a human, write for a human.
Stop pretending you’re looking for “passion.”
You’re looking for a multitasking miracle at minimum wage.
This isn’t hiring.
This is corporate fantasy, and they still expect you to help make it come true. 🙃