科技業最愛講的幾句話我都背得出來：
「我們是一家人。」
「我們重視長期發展。」
「我們希望你能像個CEO一樣思考。」
聽起來超感人，對吧？
實際翻譯是：「錢我先不給你了，但希望你能感恩我給的夢 (幻) 想。」
接著就來了，那顆科技業最甜的毒藥：
股票、選擇權、RSU。
那年公司發選擇權與股票，我開心到差點以為自己快要可以退休了。
結果報稅季一到，看到稅單差點往生。
我才懂，原來「股東思維」的意思是：
你出勞力，公司賺股價，政府收稅金。
你唯一持有的只有焦慮。
那些股票根本不是激勵，是詛咒。
鎖四年、報稅馬上、兌現無期。
等能賣的時候，股價跌成骨灰，慘一點的還下市，賣掉連想買個Dyson吸塵器都買不起。
最絕的是，公司還會一臉真誠說：「這是長期激勵計畫。」
激勵誰？激勵我去貸款報稅？
科技業的股票文化就像邪教：
每天洗腦你「我們一起打造未來」，
然後等你報稅時，發現自己不是共同創辦人，而是共同受害人。
更好笑的是，公司還會強調：「這能讓你有歸屬感。」
對啊，有啊，我的靈魂跟國稅局緊緊綁在一起。
下次公司再跟你說「我們希望你有CEO意識」，
你就笑著回一句：「好啊，那我能先領CEO薪水嗎？」
The Sugar-Coated Scam: Stock Options & Other Fairy Tales ( It’s not an incentive. It’s a tax nightmare.)
Ah yes, the legendary “ownership culture.”
That magical phrase every tech company uses to convince you that unpaid loyalty is a privilege.
“We want you to think like an owner,” they say.
Sure, except owners actually get paid big $$.
Let’s talk about stock options.
That glittering carrot dangled in front of every ambitious hire.
The spreadsheet fantasy that promises you’ll be rich “someday.”
Except someday never comes.
Because by the time your shares vest, the valuation’s tanked, the tax bill’s doubled, and you’re left realizing the only thing you owned was the illusion of ownership.
You celebrate your grant letter like it’s a golden ticket, then spend tax season sobbing into a calculator, realizing the government made more money from your stock than you ever will.
It’s not an incentive – it’s a trap wrapped in gratitude.
Stock options are the tech industry’s version of religion:
they give you hope, keep you obedient, and ensure you’ll never question the system.
Because nothing says “we value our people” like giving them assets that cost them money to receive.
So next time someone tells you you’re an “owner,” ask them one question:
“Cool. When do I get paid like one?”