裁掉靈魂，保住廢物
來，今天來講裁員。
不是新聞稿裡那套「艱難的決定」。
我說的是真實世界的裁員，堪比高難度雜技的馬戲團表演。
季度業績不妙 → C層級開始冒冷汗 → CEO 開全員大會裝悲壯 → 然後一句「我們必須調整組織結構」。
這就代表：
「來，把真正做事的人砍一砍。」
真的會混的？
只會做人、沒有產出的？
整天開會開到像在跑通告的？
會抱大腿、會拍馬屁、會稱讚高層鞋子好漂釀的？
全部安全得像迪士尼樂園。
反而是那些：
把專案扛起來的，
實際在寫PRD、在修Bug、在做簡報的，
加班把主管的爛攤子收乾淨的，
公司真正靠他們撐著的。
這些人才是最先被砍的。
因為裁員從來不是績效問題，裁員只是政治問題。
死不了的是會演戲的。
升官的是會做人而不是會做事的。
留下來的是能讓大老闆心情愉悅的。
科技業更荒謬。
裁員像例行公事，是一種風潮，好像你不加減裁一下就落後了一樣。
每季一次，甚至每月一砍，有些CEO心情差一週就可以連砍三天。
每次理由都一模一樣：
「我們需要降低成本。」
放屁。
如果要省錢，怎麼不先砍掉那些不合理的空運跟logostic 費用?
你難道不知道硬體產品用空運的很貴嗎? 還一天天的八方四海的運。
還是說你有入股那家空運?
No, 咱們先把行銷預算砍掉最完美。
如果要省錢，為什麼只有真的需要出差的人的差旅被凍結?
你們這些副總C字輩的還是可以商務艙亂七八糟的到處飛?
您知道您一個人去越南一個禮拜，機票加住宿的費用，可以讓我的團隊一個飛去泰國辦活動一周+一個去日本開一整周的會嗎?
你不知道，因為您活在雲端。
No, 咱們先把RD開的新案子全部殺掉再說。
再來，或者為什麼不先砍掉那個掛著副總職稱，但沒人知道他到底在幹嘛的人咧?
那個您據說去哪裡哪裡高價挖來的擺設品?
No, 我們先把中階主管砍光之後，用那筆錢再去外面找三個新的廢物回來。
因為當業績不好的時候，你只會節流，而不知如何開源。
把能砍的預算砍的殆盡，把能去除的人員殺了再說。
只要帳面上看起來成本節省了，下一季就能安全度過了。
然後CEO 第二天還有臉發信給全員工：
「今天很個艱難的一天，但我們會更強大。」
強大你個鬼。
強大的只有你的臉皮。
這些裁員根本不是策略。
不是轉型。不是調整。不是精簡。
它就是 一群小丑領著另一群小丑在台上跳芭蕾。
Where the Wrong People Always Get Cut, and the Wrong People Always Stay
Let’s talk about layoffs.
Not the official version: the one written by HR, approved by Legal, and delivered by the dept head pretending to care.
I mean the real one. The circus.
Everyone knows the script:
Quarter’s shit → C-suite panics → CEO holds an all-hands with that fake “tough decisions” face → and suddenly “strategic workforce alignment” becomes code for:
“Let’s fire the people who actually do work.”
Meanwhile, the angels of corporate survival: the “visible” ones, the “strategic” ones,
a.k.a. the people who contribute absolutely nothing except taking up meeting seats, somehow float above the chaos untouched.
Because layoffs are never about performance.
They’re about politics.
The loud ones survive.
The suck-ups survive.
The ones who cc’ the entire company for every micro-achievement survive.
The ones whose only skill is “being seen by the right VP” ALWAYS survive.
But the middle managers who:
Keep the teams functioning,
Actually know the product,
Prevent disasters every single day,
And those who really care.
…yeah, those are the ones who vanish first.
In tech, layoffs are treated like a fitness routine.
It’s trend and you are so not Gen z if you don’t follow.
Quarterly, sometimes monthly.
Sometimes weekly if the CEO is having an insecure meltdown.
And the explanation is always the same:
“We need to reduce costs.”
Oh really?
Then why do you fire 10 engineers but keep the Senior Director of Strategic Nothingness who hasn’t delivered a single slide that makes sense since 2009?
Why fire the PM who ships features but keep the “Creative Evangelist of Holistic Innovation” who spends three hours a day designing Notion boards nobody reads?
Let’s be honest:
Layoffs are not cost-saving.
Layoffs are laziness.
Actually fixing the business?
Too hard.
Actually creating revenue?
Too risky.
Actually firing the incompetent?
Too political.
So they cut the people who won’t fight back.
And guess what happens next?
They use the money saved from firing 20 solid mid-level employees to hire three new friends of the VP, imported directly from the same previous company where they all failed together.
It’s not restructuring.
It’s recycling trash.
And the CEO?
They always send out an email to the whole company the next day posting some cringe like:
“Tough day. But I’m proud of how transparent we’ve been.”
Transparent about what?
Your incompetence?
Corporate layoffs are not strategy.
They’re not restructuring.
They’re not “realigning.”
They’re a circus run by clowns who don’t even know they’re clowns.