公司燒到變廢墟，董事會還在喝咖啡
來，今天講講「董事會」。
大部分人以為董事會很厲害：
會監督 CEO、會管方向、會負責公司生死。
拜託。你這是活在哪個平行時空?
現實根本不是這樣的。
很多公司的董事會，就跟 IKEA 佈置牆上的畫一樣，
放著好看，但沒屁用。
CEO 把公司搞得亂七八糟：
方針一天三改都是小事;
做預算像去廟裡擲筊或者跟香腸阿伯西巴豆一樣;
有些員工被操到升天，有些閒到抓屁股;
股價跌到地底像是羅馬遺跡…
董事會的反應是什麼？
零，反，應。
董事會最擅長的事情只有三件：
點頭，
翻簡報，
問午餐在哪裡，
下次開會要去哪個度假聖地順便爽一下?
你以為他們會問：
「為什麼股價變這樣？」
「為什麼這季度業績像被凌遲過？」
「你要做什麼來挽回股價？」
沒有。
他們問的是：
「這次開會要多久？」
「可以提早結束嗎？」
「建議把這張圖放大。」
尤其當 CEO 跟董事會成員都是麻吉的時候，
董事會根本就是一群被催眠的人：
「給他多一點時間吧。」
「市場不景氣啦。」
「我們要相信領導團隊。」
「這是轉型陣痛期。」
屁啦。
你哪個月沒痛過？
明明整家公司已經：
員工成群離職，
生產線失控，
團隊互相玩大逃殺，
客戶抱怨到破音，
產品像迷路，
CEO 還在忙著重做 Brand Guidelines 或把瞎忙著要改產品名字。
公司不是單純因為一位爛 CEO 垮掉的。
公司是因為一個爛的經營團隊 + 一群董事坐在那裡，
一邊看著火在燒、
聞著味道、
喝著咖啡，
然後說：
「嗯，再觀察看看。」
最荒謬的是：
最後出事，公司倒閉，董事會還是最安全的那群人。
拍拍屁股走人，換下一間繼續當裝飾。
Corporate Governance? More Like Corporate Decoration.
Let’s talk about boards.
Not the idealized, Harvard-case-study version.
I mean the real ones: the ones that sit through quarterly reviews like heavily sedated houseplants.
Most people assume the board is there to provide oversight, vision, governance.
Cute.
Here’s what actually happens.
When the CEO is tanking the company, running it like a personal mood board, burning cash like incense, and turning every department into a rotating dysfunction wheel:
The board does absolutely nothing.
Because in many companies, boards are not leaders.
They’re decoration.
Corporate wallpaper.
A living museum of people who show up four times a year to nod through slides they don’t understand.
You’d think a board would ask questions like:
“Why is our headcount a math crime?”
“Why is revenue allergic to growth?”
“Why does half the org report to random titles that didn’t exist last quarter?”
But instead, they ask:
“Can we shorten the meeting?”
“Is lunch provided?”
“Can you make the charts bigger?”
Boards love “high-level” conversations, which is corporate code for
“I didn’t read any of the pre-read and have no idea what’s going on.”
And when the CEO is clearly failing?
Their reactions are always the same:
“Let’s give them more time.” (Translation: Please don’t make me work.)
“The market is challenging.” (Translation: It’s easier to blame the economy than our leadership.)
“We should trust the executive team.” (Translation: I don’t know what they do, but I like the CEO’s confidence.)
Meanwhile, employees are drowning.
Morale is dead.
Talent is leaving; or forced to left.
Customers are confused.
The product is directionless.
And the CEO is busy rebranding internal product naming.
The board’s job is to intervene.
But when the CEO is one of the BFFs, boards become loyal puppies:
“They know what they’re doing, I think…”
“It’s just a rough patch.”
“I believe in the vision.”
Vision?
The only vision is the company vision board sitting in HR with words like “Collaboration” and “Excellence” printed in size 72 font.
Companies don’t collapse because of one bad CEO.
Companies collapse because an entire board sat there, watched the fire spread, and said:
“Let’s schedule another meeting.”